By Dorian Martin, I Start Wondering Founder
(Note: This is the first in a periodic series that I’ll be writing about navigating our changing world. I’ll look forward to reading or hearing your feedback.)
As various world events unfold, including wars and elections, many seem to be moving into impenetrable echo chambers to avoid dissenting views. For example, a friend recently described how her family’s relationships are under significant strain as various members who voted differently are choosing to distance themselves.
That begs the question—are we now only committed to choking off dialogue and the hope of finding common ground? Can we really be sure how today’s decisions are going to play out and whether they will truly have an impact on what happens next month, next year or a decade from now?
Based on my own experience and what history tells us, I think the wheel of change has been set in motion and most events will unfold in ways that no one expects. As I mentioned in an earlier column, I believe it’s important to remove the drama from our thinking and to be realistic about where we are in the present moment, no matter how uncomfortable that is.
The Futility of Predicting the Future
So, do we really have a true sense of the future?
Recently, I stopped at my local grocery store and ended up chatting with the young employee who assisted me. Since I live in a college town, I asked him if he was attending school—he was—and then about his hometown.
His response was San Antonio, Texas—and when I wanted more specifics, he said he lived near North Star Mall and wondered if I knew where that was. I shared that having lived several times during my life in and around the Alamo City, I knew exactly the area he was describing.
When I got home, I started chuckling because I realized there actually is more to my family’s connection to that part of San Antonio. In the late 1940s, my paternal grandparents moved to that city so my grandfather could work as an executive for one of the city’s premier high-end department stores, Frost Bros.
In his role with the finance department, my grandfather had a front-row seat in discussions about expanding beyond the Frost Bros. downtown flagship store into the then-proposed North Star Mall, slated to be built on San Antonio’s northeast side. According to family lore, my grandfather’s advice to the company’s leaders was clear: “We shouldn’t consider expanding to North Star because San Antonio will never grow out that far.”
Hindsight is 20/20
Looking back, my grandfather’s crystal ball needed significant recalibration. San Antonio did grow—and the city now extends well past Loop 410, where North Star Mall is sited. In fact, in 2024 the city was the seventh most-populated in the nation, the second largest in the Southern United States and the second most-populous in Texas (after Houston).
North Star Mall also has prospered. The shopping mecca opened in 1960 and already was expanding in 1963, including the opening of Frost Bros. as an anchor store. In a twist of fate, my dad ended up joining Frost Bros. a few years later and primarily worked at the mall store. In the ensuing years, North Star Mall has continued to grow and evolve, and now has a total retail floor area encompassing approximately 1.25 million square feet.
The same trajectory cannot be said for Frost Bros. After a period of expansion into a chain of specialty stores that stretched beyond San Antonio’s boundaries, the company owners were forced to declare bankruptcy. The company was liquidated in 1989.
Lessons Learned
I’m not alone in my take on history; I was pleased to hear award-winning documentarian Ken Burns echo my feelings In a recent NPR interview. “The first thing is that you don’t want to superimpose a story; you don’t want to tell people what it is. You have to let the story emerge,” he said, adding that history has proven over and over that people get through things and unexpected parts will emerge. “What I think you have to do is to exhale a little bit and take it and find out what the next thing is presented.”
For me, this story illustrates that we all think we have a great crystal ball ruled by logic, financial data, projections, analysis and our own history—until circumstance proves that we don’t. While I do think we can detect potential trends, I don’t think we can be assured of understanding everything that will happen and we don’t know the final outcomes.
And that’s especially true in times of rapid change. Just think of a hurricane, which begins out at sea and then moves with its own rhythm and trajectory. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve prepared for and then braced for a hurricane since I live a short distance from the Gulf Coast—and then the storm shifts, leaving us with no rain and no damage.
With that said, I do feel strongly that there are some key points that we need to consider at this time:
Getting Comfortable with Change
In general, no one likes change…unless it’s something that we decide on our own volition, such as getting a new hairstyle or taking a new job. However, nature’s cycles remind us that everything has a season. As a result, things constantly change, and much of it—from the micro level, like a leaf falling from a tree, to the macro level, like a blizzard—is truly beyond our control. Similarly, in a healthy environment, nature strives for balance instead of moving too far to one extreme.
So yes, change probably is going to be uncomfortable to some degree—but as author and academician Arthur C. Brooks recently noted on an Instagram post, “Psychologists have found that many of the most meaningful experiences in life are quite painful, adding depth to our journey.”
Additionally, the level of discomfort is up to each individual—and our mindset and choices will determine that journey. Can you slow down and live in the present moment, even if it’s uncomfortable? How are you going to embrace the adventure of your life? And how are you going to find the wherewithal to make the necessary changes in order to create the life you want?
We’re All in This Together
I recently listened to a YouTube video by spiritual teacher and author Caroline Myss, who underscored that as much as we want to portray those who don’t agree with us as “the other,” we’re all in this together. In her courses, she often uses the metaphor of our physical body to illustrate this point, asking listeners to consider what would happen if we favored our heart over our lungs, kidneys or liver. In actuality, these organs are part of a holistic system that needs to work together to ensure our health—and it’s the same for humankind in general.
These thoughts are echoed by Michael Meade, a renowned storyteller, author, and scholar of mythology, anthropology, and psychology: “While the two poles of a polarity may seem to be irreconcilable opposites, they are secretly parts of a hidden unity,” he said. “Existence itself is an essential unity appearing as a duality, and thus genuine change and transformation are the secret aims of the tensions inside the opposites and inside life itself.”
Listening to Differing Opinions
I grew up in a family with a variety of political opinions so understanding different perspectives is part of my hardwiring. It didn’t come as a surprise when I was moved by Elise Loehnen’s words after the U.S. presidential election:
“Here’s what I know: America voted, and America decidedly voted in favor of many candidates who were not my choice. Such is democracy. The American people have spoken. We may not like what they have to say, but that does not prevent us from listening. Here is what I hope we can do in this election’s aftermath: Not make each other bad. Not morally exclude. Not blame and shame. We will hear a lot about who is treasonous and who is at fault for this election in the coming weeks: White women, Latino men, Black men. All men. If life were only so simple that we could identify the ‘problem element’ and eradicate it. But we are not problems to be solved, and the world is not ours to sanitize. Life certainly doesn’t always abide by our preferences—often we get circumstances we do not want and would never choose. It’s what we do next that matters.”
What also has become evident in my view is that we’ve allowed ourselves to be overly influenced by political news sources and ideologically based social media sites. All of these have an agenda that I believe is based on power, money, and control more than public service.
While it is very important to stay informed, especially on issues that you care deeply, I want to commit to having real in-person conversations in meaningful ways during these changing times. I’m finding that when I can actually talk in person to someone who thinks –or even voted—differently than me, a bridge can be built—and that’s where we can find creative, workable, and long-lasting solutions to be able to move forward. I invite others to do the same.
Comments